So you want a career, but are afraid of making mistakes—mistakes that would kill a career. Well, you’re in luck—you’ve come to the right post.
I just read an article about Career Killing Mistakes and didn’t learn one thing. The advice was trite. Stuff we’ve all heard before: i.e.
1. Act professional
2. Don’t be late
3. Dress for success
4. Blah, blah, blah
Do you know what you need? You need someone to tell you straight-up what’s wrong and what’s right as far as your career goes. And hey, I’m just the one to tell you. Why should you believe me over the other article? Who knows? Maybe the other writer really wants to sabatoge your career. Did you ever think of that? You know, make more room for her to steal your career.
I won’t let that happen. I would never do that to you. Why? Because I’m happy in my career of sitting at home all day, causing trouble on the Internet. I’m willing to lay it out for you. No holes barred. I mean it. I only want to help. Honest.
You want to keep your career? Here’s how:
1. Don’t pick your nose during an interview
2. Don’t answer an interview question with this statement, “That’s what she said.”
3. Make sure when you tweet a nasty remark about your boss, that he is on the toilet.
4. Don’t take a selfie during a board meeting
5. When you get caught red-handed with an awful tweet you tweeted, deny, deny, deny.
6. Don’t photocopy your butt.
7. Don’t take a selfie of you photocopying your butt.
8. Don’t ask your boss to pull your finger.
9. Oh, And don’t make faces at your boss.